Pointing to You

I think the hardest lesson in life is learning that no matter what happens in your life everything stems from a choice you made.
I have to admit that I have been depressed for years. I've had a chemical imbalance for nearly my entire life, and for good reason. That reason is beyond genetic, I've had a tough life. Though as I've learned my tough is just as hard as your tough. Everyone sees their problems worse than anyone's problems, and to them their problems are drastic. That is not to belittle anything, it's just to say that I am sure I'm not the only person in the world who has lived through tough times.
I was raised by a single father, who at the age of 13 I found out wasn't my biological father. I found out after, the man whom I will always call Dad, beat me. I was raised around drugs, alcohol, sex, and any negativity you can imagine and I didn't know any better. After taking the beating of my life I then moved in with my alcoholic drug addicted promiscuous mother. I was then allowed to do anything my heart desired. I got in with the wrong crowd...ended up pregnant at 15, gave birth to my daughter at 16 immediately following my departure of a treatment facility for troubled teens. I was then put into a foster home, and eventually into independent living. I once again got in with the wrong crowd and after making some bad choices lost physical custody of my daughter.
That is the quick view of my past, and I have left many things out, however as you can see I haven't always lived an easy quiet peaceful life. I got depressed, time and time again I got depressed. I tried to blame everyone but me for my problems, and that made me more depressed. I know that sounds funny, why would I get depressed about someone else doing something wrong?
I had become a Christian while living with my foster parents but after going into independent living I soon fell away from my faith. After losing my daughter and becoming homeless I moved in with 4 very wonderful Christians, who God used to bring me back to Him. God took the time to change me, and for that I will forever be grateful.
While living with these people I learned many lessons and ways to improve, but I think the one that impacted me the most was that everything that ever happened to me fell on my shoulders. After the age of 13 I was treated as an adult, and for most people this happens at 18, and once you become an adult you are no longer under the authority of anyone. You are able to make your own decisions. Therefore since no one is holding a gun to your head and making you do anything you always have the option to say no. You have the choice to weigh the consequences and try to look into the future to weigh the pros and cons of your decisions. It is your job to pause and think about what you are about to do because everything and I do mean EVERYTHING, every decision you make affects your life in some form. If you think into that just a little deeper you will realize, hopefully, that every single thing that has happened to you has happened because you made a decision to allow that to happen.
I realized that I did not lose my daughter because my friends put me in bad situations, I lost her because I chose to hang out with people who were not good influences on me, and then I chose to follow them down the path they were walking. I realized that EVERYTHING was my fault.
At first that was very overwhelming! It was also very freeing. God did a work in me and opened my eyes to the fact that yes, the past has already happened and there is nothing I can do to change the decisions I had already made, but I was also given a second chance because I had been forgiven by Grace and was now free. I now had the freedom to change my future and not dwell on my past. I no longer had to walk down the wrong path, I had and do have the power to make a new path. I have the power to say no and walk away. I have the privilege to ask my Heavenly Father to give me insight and wisdom in making good decisions, and I have the amazing ability to ask that God lead me down His path because His ways are always good!
I know that not everyone is a believer and there are many who have chose to turn away from God. I am just saying that there is no freedom like the freedom you experience under God's umbrella of protection.
(cont. 7/6/10)